Dumb and Dumberer; a tale of 2 color blinded robbers
Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of a sticky white substance thinking it was pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of the same sticky white stuff. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING... © \{MeRd}/ Productions ________________________________________________________________________ |
Escaped from Gay-Tanamo Bay :D
A prisoner escaped from jail. He broke into a house around the corner on Elgin St and finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed and ties him up on a chair, ties the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. kisses her on the neck , then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife; " Listen , this guy looks dangerous! He's probably spent a lot of time in prison and has not seen a woman in a long time. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you. If he gets angry , he may kill us. Be strong honey. I love you. To which the wife responds" He wasn't kissing my neck he was whispering in my ear. He told me he found you very sexy and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you TOO! © \{MeRd}/ Productions _________________________________________________________________________ |
The Idiot Test
adapted by Ghiilly, Scoring:seyekay@msn.com/l.ilkay@live.com. 21 Correct - Genius 17 Correct - Above Normal 15 Correct - Normal 8 Correct - Nincompoop 6 Correct - Moron 3 Correct - Idiot Questions: 1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come? 5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? 6. How many outs are there in an inning? 7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why? 8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this. 9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why? 11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins? 13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first? 14. How far can a dog run into the woods? 15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last? 16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? 17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? 18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh? 19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen? 20. What was the President's name in 1950? ANSWERS: 1. yes (they also have a 3rd of July, a 2nd of July, etc...) 2. one a year 3. all months have (at least) 28 days 4. the beggar is the woman's sister 5. because he is living 6. 6 (3 per side) 7. no. the man would be dead 8. they are not playing each other 9. 70 (30 divided by .5 is 60) 10. white. (the bear would be a polar bear, because the house must be at the north pole) 11. 2 (you just took 2 apples) 12. a fifty cent piece, and a nickel (one is not a nickel, but the other one is) 13. light the match first 14. half way (then he would be running out) 15. one hour (the first one, a half hour later, and another one more half hour) 16. 9 (all but 9 die...) 17. none. Moses was not on the ark 18. he weighs meat 19. 12 20. Bill Clinton. © \{MeRd}/ Productions ________________________________________________________________________ The Most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down: 10. The cucumber has left the salad. 9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson.. 6. Elvis is leaving the building. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction. 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus. And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped..... I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts. ___________________________________________________________________________ Good Dentist
Well thats all for now folks,check back later for more tales, stories, and jokes this has been singley largely colletively individually liberally and skillfully a;  SK... |
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